Friday, October 31, 2008

Top 10 most notable reactions to our adoption story.

Let me start by saying this: I have always had pride in my ability to value difference in people. You don’t have to think, look, feel or be “like” me in order for me to “love” you! One of the things I enjoy most in this world is the way people are all different and interesting. I love other people’s points of view. I love the see and hear about other people’s jobs, families, hobbies and life choices. Difference is what makes this world such a wonderful place to be in! I don’t scrap book, nor will I ever have the patience for such a thing. But I’ll sit and look and hugely appreciate other peoples scrap books for hours!

Now have you ever had a thought – which you know you are entitled to have, but you know that it should probably stay in your own head? I have – OFTEN! That is why every person – at one time or another finds it necessary to FILTER what comes out of their mouth. We are adults… and it is not always acceptable to speak our minds. I don’t see this as taking away the right to free speech. I see it as an issue of respect for others feelings. So in short – I believe we have a right to think whatever we want! …but we don’t need to say it!!

So we are adopting little Joshua Song. We have known about “our child” for three years now. Known that they were out there, known that they would someday be in our arms. And now…finally – we have a face to go with our dreams! A perfect time in the lives of the Mongold family! We have had such support from our friends and family, that it completely fills my heart!

But I’ll tell ya – in the name of a good laugh, I HAVE to share with you all some of the comments that I have received when people find out we are adopting a little man from China. And all of those words play here. Adopting, Man and China…..Amazing how there are some people without this necessary filter!

Please take this for the humor that I mean it to show! No one that reads my blog has ever said anything to fit into the "not so filtered" comments that I am about to write! I have no bitter feelings…more just feelings of Awe…as I hear the words that come from people’s mouths. And truly, some of these are too darn good to have in my head only….i need for my friends and family to share in the craziness! So here they are….both the good and the bad…the top 10 best comments that I have received when people find out about Joshua Song!!

The top ten most notable reactions to the adoption of our son:


When I have told several people about our Chinese Adoption – their reaction – without hesitation – is to tell me a horror story about a child that they know -who was adopted – and who has not done well in this world. A negative story about an experience that is much less than wonderful in their eyes? And to this I ask - Why? When person is pregnant to you tell them about the kid with ADHD, or the kid that was born with a terrible birth defect? No….people never do that? So why do I get so lucky!?!


When people here we are adopting a boy they say, “Are you sure you want a boy?” or “Are you disappointed that you are getting a boy?”– And to that I say - Have no doubt - WE have waited three years, and had 1100 days of waiting and anticipating to think this through, spent THOUSANDS of dollars, and will travel ½ way around the world to get him– WE ARE SURE! Whoo hooo!!!!!


Are you sad that you will never have a little girl? People ask me this – MANY people. And I want to say to them….Are you sad that you will never know what life would have been like with 4 little men? Of course I don’t say that out loud…only in my head! And well…now on my blog! What the heck would make someone ask that? If I had a biological boy that I had no control over – would you ask me then – or would you just feel sorry for me silently? If it is the latter – apply that now!


“You realize…”, people will say, that “there is a chance that this child will never be “normal”! Well…thanks for that blanket of light people…I realize much more than I must let on. I realize that every person born of this world has so many possibilities for how their life will play out. Biological kids, adopted kids, only kids, girl kids, boy kids, oldest kids, youngest kids, etc. etc. I love my children – all 4 of them – and I will do my very very best to give them ALL the best that life as to offer. And if anything short of perfect befalls them….I love them no less and I will try no less hard. That is my promise to my family….and some days I feel like I need to get on National TV and promise it to all the people who don't know me!!


Did you even think about adopting a child here in the US? “They need homes too.” – well…to this I say again….I am truly an educated person. A well researched person, and someone that DOES know all of her options. But thank you for making sure! And if you were going to help me in making my “where” adoption decision…you should have mentioned that three years ago!! ha ha ha

In the world that I live in – all God’s Children are equal: Each important, each necessary, and each a blessing… no matter what the country they are born in or the color of their skin. One child – our child – will have a privileged life, and life of true love of family and of a mother and a father! I am at peace with that. I can’t see that it matters where the child was born. My prayers don’t go out to US orphans…but to all orphans. I pray that each one of Gods children has a chance to be great in this short and sweet life.


“How lucky this little boy is that you are saving him!” Now I appreciate the sentiment in this comment and it is one that I get very often. But I feel I need to address it – not because it amazes me or anything , but I feel it shows that I am not fully understood. - Make no mistake about it. We are the lucky ones. There is a plan for each person in this life – or at least I believe that to be true in many ways. My paths lead me to 4 children. How they come to be in my life is no matter. We were given 4 children to raise and love and set forth into the world. That is my calling and Steve’s calling! We are the lucky ones, and I am just blessed that there was a way to find our third child beyond my own body, since my own body is not as able as it used to be to bear children!


“Are you aware the special needs children often have more wrong with them than you can know at first?” The answer is simple – YES. I know this. I am thankful for the concern of friends and family and I realize that many of the people who ask this are looking out for my best interest. But the simple answer is Yes – I know this. We chose this. We love our son. He will have the same love and support as any of us do in this family! And we will conquer any odds!


I often get the comment – and mostly from people who I don’t know “as well” (being new to this areas there are a lot of those) , “Good for you – I just don’t think I could adopt.” Yep…more than 10 times I have heard this come out of people mouths. So what are you saying to me? I would not do it because it is too hard, too expensive, I don’t know if I could love a child that is not my own, too many risks? All valid reasons...but I am never sure what a person means. And it seems too personal to just ask them... so I refrain from commenting back. I just say (in an awkward voice)“Oh…we are really excited!” And then there is that moment of silence that seems like a million years...and the subject gets changed!


Another comment that I welcome – and get more often than you might expect is “ Wow…that is cool – how did you get into this process and what agency did you use?” First of all, hearing this makes me think – wow…in all this craziness…other people not only accept what we are doing, but their initial reaction is….how do I get onto this wonderful path. That is exciting to me! I am not an adoption pusher. I never really think that others should “do as I do”. What that comment really says is – great idea. One I could also entertain. Not that the person will EVER go down that road…but they are telling me that it is a road that is appealing to them as well and God Speed on it. I respect that. And it warms my heart!


The comment that I have love loved the most is:, “FINALLY – You have been waiting so long!!! WE are so happy for you!” And this…is the comment…that I truly do get MOST often. It feels good to hear that people know we have been waiting. And when the excitement in their voice conveys their love for us and their appreciation of our wait – it makes my heart full. To know that our dear friends and family have been waiting “with us” and praying “with us” means more to me than I could ever express in words. And for those of you who have shared in our wait with us – we can’t wait to share our son with you! Truly – we can’t wait!!


Erica said...

Oh Renee, how well said! And how very necessary it was to share it, so do not feel the need to apologize for your honesty! Joshua, Ben, Kyle, Will, we love you all...differently but equally and so very very very very much! You have taken the "responses" with much more grace than anyone should expect.

lyss23 said...

nicely put are a much better person than me...i would not have been able to except some of those comments...but appreciate the DEFINITLY needed to share! lol Love you all! and 5 weeks minimum?!?!?! He's comin home!!!!!!! yay!!!

Bill & Midge said...

You probably don't get this one too much, but one of our favorites is "Oh my, do you realize how old you will be when she graduates and leaves home?!" I have wanted so badly to say "Yes, and how we hope the social security system doesn't fail, because that is our college fund for this child!" but I bite my tongue instead.