Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Day three in Zhengzhou.

Day three here in Zhengzhou has been pretty uneventful. We had a great start to the day. I took some Tylenol PM last night before bed. And I had only done that once when we first got here back in Beijing. So it is very effective for me. I was too afraid to fall into a good sleep in Josh's first night here, but when I realized what a great sleeper he is...I thought...what the heck....if he is getting a good nights sleep...I deserve one too! So....that being said...the two of us slept - without waking up - till 7:00am! Yep!! Rock on!

Josh fell asleep standing up around 7:00pm and did a full 12 hours! And I went to bed at like 10pm and got MORE than enough sleep! So we feel super today! And ...I had the hotel do some laundry for me. Not cheap....but I had gone long enough without clean pants!! So I am not only rested...but I have clean clothes on!! Whoo hooo!!

Each day with Josh shows improvement in his attachment. He is in LOVE with his mommy. He always wants to be touching my face and holding my fingers and ALWAYS wants to be in my arms! I know that this can't last with me giving him every second of my attention, but for now...he needs to feel loved - beyond loved...so I will do anything I can to assure him that I - this new family - is forever! WE will work on the rest when we get home!

Josh is shy. I think some of this is because of what he has been through over the past few days, but the look in his eyes tells me that he is, all in all, just a shy kid! Once he gets to like someone though...watch out! Today, after a while of sitting and talking with a dad and his son from our group, Josh sat up and smiled at him and said - BYE BYE!!! VERY loud! It was so funny - because he is so quiet that no one expects to hear from him! ha ha hah a. So it tells me that he will warm up to people...but on his terms....no one elses!!

He is a typical 1 year old - throwing everything on the floor and making messes all over. And LOVING IT! He truly does not seem all that behind to me? Maybe I will see it more later, but for now...I have good feelings this his adjustment period will be shorter than maybe I had anticipated! I am grateful for that - and not for my sake...for his! When you see how scared they are on that first day and the utter look of dispare in their eyes as they cry and cry...you just want them to know what you have known for so long - the love that we have for them!!!

Every day I think about coming home to my family! I miss them so much that I can't talk about it much or I will start crying all over again and I am trying to stay positive and be rational. A good nights sleep helped! But it does not take away the pain I feel when I am not with my babies! Half over....and just one week till I can have everyone together!

I will forever love that day! December 25th 2008!! No matter what kind of a day it is, rain or shine, crying or sleeping, sad or happy....it will be a day I remember for all of time!! !:) Come on time...get a move on!!

I am lonely, yet happy, and I am doing well here!! This trip - alone - is totally do-able. I wish I had my family here...but they can't be and I am ok! Really ok! Physically, this is not as hard as I expected. We are given plenty of time to eat and sleep and I always try to make good food and drink choices, and so far so good. I feel super! And josh is feeling good too.

Emotionally this may be a bit harder than I anticipated, but not because of Josh! Truly - he is so dear and so easy to be with. You all are going to just love him! Truly - a blessing of a boy!!! I just have a perma lump in my throat and at any point I could cry? Does not even have to be a good reason? And for those of you that know me well....this is NOT ME!?!?! Huh? Shelli - are you cracking up at your whimpy friend?!?! ha ha ha ha Oh well!!

Enjoy the pics and I will keep posting them each day. Little man Josh sleeps so well, and I am stuck here in the room while he naps. I know he would nap on the go in the carrier...but I love seeing him snuggled up on a bed...a soft bed with down pillows! He just keeps feeling them and rolling in them. I truly think he understands the luxury that is around him! Heck....it is luxury for mommy too! hee hee

I love and miss each of you so very much! Thank you again for your words, your love and your prayers! It means more than you can ever know!

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reillymb said...

Ok now you made me cry! Especially being so far away and unable to help out in anyway! Even if it was just doing nothing!!! I'm sure Shelli is going to be shocked to B/c you made me cry huh shell -hehe.

But I'm off from Dec 25-Jan 3rdish. If you need company or entertainment. I'm available just let me know. I just got back from dubois today so Christmas is already done and celebrated. And there is no hot date knocking down My door begging for a new years eve date.haha
I could only imagine how the quiet and bordem is deafing due to the caoticness that you are use too! I know its hard to enjoy it while you can but if I know you your mind is going a mile a minute of things you could be doing or things that need done! Its almost over and all 4 boys will be together soon :)

Love ya girl hold strong!!!!


shunter1019 said...

OK- well UNLIKE you guys(Renee and MB), I'm POSITIVE you can guess what I'm doing...what I do about most things,happy and sad alike, unlike my two friends-crying- I see both of you making fun of that :) and you ARE SO RIGHT..I'm crying. MB crying!!?!?!WOW! Sad that you are crying Renee because most of my crying for you has been SO happy, but a lot of it is because I feel SO BAD that you are by yourself. I keep saying it and I know you know it, but GOD, if I hadn't just started this job, I would have so been there, right there, with you- like we always are for each other when needed. That I couldn't be this time, UGH...makes me cry. I know you know I love you though! All of this, you in China stuff, makes for mushy girls!!! OK, onto the good stuff. COULD THAT KID BE CUTER? I keep saying that, but I don't believe he could be...I truly do not. I KNEW in my heart, that he was going to look in your eyes, and know how much you love him and feel secure. LOOK, just a couple short days and he doesn't want you to leave him. That is SO wonderful.. Now, if he's 14 and still wants you to carry him around and stuff, we'll talk then, but for now, I think that's the best news ever. He'll realize you are never ever going to leave him and he will begin to trust- I know this because I know you and how you are the best mom ever-you'll show him all of that without even trying! Hey, it's not long now although I'm sure you'll feel like it's longer since you're ready to go. BUT, I bet a change in places, going to GZ, Keny being your tourguide etc...will make everything all go faster. MISS YOU - Shelli

Erica said...

Girl, you have seen so many of my tears...and I am feeling this with you. I agree that you are such an amazing mom that that is perhaps what is making this so very hard. We all know you could do this alone and would do it alone, but that doesn't change that you ARE doing it alone, and alone is not fun. All I can offer you is that all of those that know and love you are in awe of you strength and your courage and your willingness to put yourself through heck to make sure that baby boy knows he is so very loved! And because of who you are, I know that you do not want any of those praises or accolades, but girl, YOU DESERVE THEM! We are praying you through...one day at a time. And, As hard as it is, I know this is probably just what Josh needed before he came HOME for real!You are a gift to him, a gift to all of your men, and certainly a gift to me. We all love you so much. So very very much!