As far as our life here on Amelia Island - well....life is pretty good. Overwhelming sometimes and so peaceful at other times! I love that the paper chase, the anticipation, the stress, the anxiety of the unknown, the knowledge that I had to leave my kids, the organization etc. etc.....IS BEHIND ME! Some have said in the past that they miss this craziness and feel a sense of loss when that is over. And I get that - kind of like the day after Christmas blues. No matter how hard you work to get ready for the holiday, there is a sense of sadness when it is all over.
I feel comfortable saying, that I don't have the post adoption blues. I am truly truly - happy with every fiber in my being - that this crazy time is over. Three years, never feeling at peace, or whole - and now I can get up knowing that this is my life. A life that I waited for and that I have known that someday I would have! And now it is here. I am blessed and relieved at how well it is all going and just plain happy most all the time. Tired...but happy!!
NOw...add a two year old into the mix of boys in my house. Well...there are some screaming matches to be had. Josh is wrecking our fort, Mom, Josh slammed the door on me (he loves to do this!). Josh even knows already (having never probably seen a TV before) how to stand directly in front of the screen so that his brothers run at him and yell. He lOVES that - It makes him bend over laughing. With this devil of a smile on his face! Too funny!
Anyway - for all of that...I'll have my moments of wanting to pull my hair out I am sure! But heck...I had those moment most days anyway, so I have just added a few more min of the day to devote to being a crazy lady! When I get mad at them Kyle said "Guys...knock it off...mommy is getting wild!!" hee hee (for the record...I am not sure sending them to their room is WILD...but through the eyes of a babe right?!?!)
As far as the fear of the unknown? Well...I think I anticipated the worst case scenario in bringing home a little orphan boy, ...and so lucky for me...I am pleasantly surprised. Josh sleeps, eats, plays, is ok with new people (just ok...but hey...he is two). It is all working itself out.
I have moment of fear. The feelings of "Crap...can I really handle all of this?" But I had that when I bought the pottery shop, I had that when I Will and I had that when I had Kyle? So I have age and wisdom on my side - I know this will pass and I chalk up those moment to temporary!
My heart and mind are truly in love with little josh. I marvel every day at what he knows. We were playing mini golf the other day and a spider was on the sidewalk. Josh ran over to it, stepped on it and started twisting his foot back and forth to make sure it was dead? Yeah....we didn't teach him that!! We had cupcakes the other day and he knew EXACTLY what to do with it? We never gave him a cupcake before? Anyway - I am sure you get my point. He has a little mind that knows two years worth of stuff and it continues to amaze us when he does things that require a bit of thought, or dexterity, or knowledge.....we just sit and stare. And Josh smiles...knowing that he has impressed us!!
The boys wake up every day and ask if they can get him out of his crib. Ben and Kyle have been saints about this. Truly - nothing but positive! Will...has his moments - as I have mentioned, but Will has his moments with Ben, and Kyle too! What to chalk up to Will and what to chalk up to Jealousy? That is the question I ask myself each day!! :) I see no long term scaring just the same - to any of us. In 6 months we won't hardly remember life with out our new little man!
Ok...off to plan a little outing on this somewhat boring island of ours? Wish me luck. It is raining? Yikes...that is never good around here. I miss my friends and family now - more than ever! I wish I could make a night trip to DC, or walk over to spend the day with the Zayacs, or play in the streets with the Ratz, Cabo, O'Brien and Bigbie kids!?! Or spend the say with the Rodgers at the mall? Where is Kangaroo Jacs when you need it?!?! ha ha ha.....
Happy Happy new Year to you all!!