Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Happy Birthday to our little Joshua Song....

Happy 2nd birthday to our little miracle Josh! I don't have a ton of newborn photos of you to post, nor do I have memories of your birth and your infant years. We are lucky enough to have this one infant photo of you... makes me laugh...not cry!?!?! ha ha that sad or what!!

What I have for you is so much different. I have three years of a journey. Three years of knowing that there was something out there that my heart was waiting for. I can never really explain why, but once I started this process...I could not quit. With all the waits and hurdles and ups and downs...I could not quit. My heart was full of love for my family, but there was something missing. A hole that needed to be filled. I had no idea what, who or just was!

And on September 23rd - Kyles 5th birthday, I finally saw the light that would fill this last empty place in me. I saw you! Your big eyes, your scared look, your sweet face.....I knew that day...without one once of doubt...that you were who we had waited for. You were "why" we went through this journey.

I walked to school up hills both ways to get to you in China! But nothing could stop me.

December 15th 2008 is a day I will remember for all of time. It was the day you were born to our family! The day I first held you. You cried and you shook and your little heart was broken to leave the only home that you ever knew. But I had so much confidence when I looked into those big brown eyes of yours, that your new life was the place you were destined to be! With us! A Mongold boy! With the love of a mother and a father and three wonderful brothers! You were sad that day, but I knew FOR you...that you were truly coming home!

2.5 months you have been in our lives and it feels like you have been here forever! I can't wait to see your face every morning. I can't wait to see what you will do next, what new word you will learn! I love your Chinese dances and your passion for any kind of music. I love that you are smart and silly. And yeah...i may get mad when you play in the toilet or smack your brothers on the head...but that is just me being a mom! Your mom!! :) Forever!! :)

We love you Joshee Song and I thank you with all of my heart for finding us and for allowing us to be your family! Our journey brought us to you and most people who know me understand that I don't have the most "romantic' view on life. Not sure that things happen for a reason, not sure that things are meant to be. Rather I feel that good things are worked for and I believe that we create our own happiness. God has given me the tools to make the right decisions and to be the best person that I can be...and I feel it is my job to use these tools to create a wonderful family and life for us.

But...the big BUT.....for the first time in my life...when I look at Josh...and how he fits like a glove into our world....I wonder? Is he meant to be with us? Maybe he is? Has he always been ours...and I was tested by the hurdles of this process to be sure that "I" was worthy of having him? Maybe! Truly - Maybe it is this way. After all that we have been through this last three years...I'll say this one thing..."I'll never discount it...I'll never say never again!"

We don't know too much about Josh's life before us. Where did you come from? I'll never really know! I found this comment recently on a post by a woman that visited Josh's first home when she traveled to get her daughter. Her little girl was older and wanted to go back to the SWI to say goodbye to her life there......Vicki wrote, "I can only say being here and seeing first hand, the children really are loved and well cared for. I can only describe the orphanage as a star among dark, the city is soooo incredibly poor, you can see rubble, the street is all broken, the creek water trashed lined, amazing difference from the bigger cities, but the orphanage is bright, clean, nannies attentive, loving.My guess is they give them what they have. And a ton of love, as much as aunties can give, they NEED parents, but second best is the love of many nannies and they do NOT lack that." (Vicki 09)

I have such gratitude for the people that took care of Josh while we worked to get to him. This little man knows how to love. He wills say "I lush you" and kiss and hug me with such emotion and such real feelings! Someone taught him this. He felt love before us...and for that...there is no word that could give the proper praises!

It's going to be a crazy life with this family Josh...but we love you and you are ours! Lucky does not begin to describe it! My heart it so full.....I feel family is finally together! May I never lose sight of how blessed I am! Happy Birthday little man! WE love you!
And I want to add something dear friend Midge made such a wonderful comment on my post and it made me realize that I forgot one very important thing in this blog! It is because of a special mother - who cared so much for her son...that she gave him up to find a better life! How hard that must have been - unimaginable in my mind! What sacrifice she was capable of because of her love for her little boy! We think of you on this day and we thank you. I wish so much - and I have wished it most every day since we first received Josh.....that we could let his biological mother know that he is loved, cared for, provided for......I wish so much that she could know that he has a wonderful life and parents that will give him the moon! I hope that she feels a bit of peace today - a sense of rest in her heart! Josh has been found....and it is because of this wonderful person.... that we have him to love!


Bill and Midge said...

Oh, Happy, Happy Birthday sweet Joshua! I hope you and your family have a great celebration day! We love you and miss you and are so glad that you are finally home.

On this very special day of your life, we will also say a prayer for the woman who gave birth to you - she must still think of you, and what courage and sacrifice it took for her to give you the chance to have this wonderful life with your family.

Big hugs to you Josh, and to your Mommy!

dandsratz said...

Happy, Happy Happy Birthday Precious & Perfect Josh!!! Renee, good grief, as tears trickle down my cheeks....this is the BEST birthday celebration for any child EVER!!! What a phenomenal birthday blog to the wonderful Josh Mongold!! Renee, I hope this comes out right--everyone posts about their children & 'the birth story' on their birthdays...but seriously, this is better than any 'labor & delivery' story!! It is magical, and perfect, and the most heart felt writing...and Josh, what a perfect birthday it is...with your wonderful mother & family! We are SO thankful that ya'll are together!! Love to each one of you!!

Dianne said...

Awwwww!!! Happy Birthday Josh!!! Love all the recent blog updates!! Have a great time celebrating all the birthdays this weekend!!!

Dianne L

Mandie said...

eHappy Birthday Josh! Have a wonderful week.

shunter1019 said...

Josh, We love you- Happy Birthday little man. We can't wait to hug and kiss you to pieces tomorrow!!! Renee, beautiful blog-no one could ever deny your love for all of your children. You are lucky to have Josh and he is equally lucky to have such an amazing mom(and aunt ;) ) LOVE YOU!

Erica said...

I never read comments before I write my own, for fear that mine will sound like everyone else's...but I am afraid this time I am echoing everyone else. Your love for your children is truly remarkable. Your boys are going to be gathered around the table in your backyard one night years from now, laughing about old times, making fun of each other, all the boy nonsense...but they will also have a grand sense of pride and love when they speak of their mommy! They will. Josh, you are a blessed little boy, but your mommy, daddy, and brothers will forever fight with you about who is more blessed, them or you. The beautiful thing about that is it doesnt have to be THEM or YOU, because you are THEM. We love you. Happy Birthday!

reillymb said...

happy belated birthday josh! welcome to the terrible 2's :) hope you had a wonderful day. don't make your mommy too nuts.


SFC said...

You are all SOOO lucky: you, Steve & the boys for getting Josh in your lives & Josh for 'finding' you. Luck - destiny - whatever. Final word - sometimes things just work out for the best for everyone, as has happened for all of you. But I need to add one thing: I am SOOOOOOO proud of YOU. You made it all happen!!! You worked & planned & facilitated the adoption. Honestly I couldn't be more proud of you. You are I strong, caring, compassionate, independent woman. And I feel truly blessed to have you as my daughter & friend. Hope you all have great fun this weekend celebrating birthdays. Am so looking forward to April 4 when you all will visit DuBois. Love & miss you all