Yeah....it makes me laugh...not cry!?!?! ha ha ha....is that sad or what!!
What I have for you is so much different. I have three years of a journey. Three years of knowing that there was something out there that my heart was waiting for. I can never really explain why, but once I started this process...I could not quit. With all the waits and hurdles and ups and downs...I could not quit. My heart was full of love for my family, but there was something missing. A hole that needed to be filled. I had no idea what, who or why...it just was!
And on September 23rd - Kyles 5th birthday, I finally saw the light that would fill this last empty place in me. I saw you! Your big eyes, your scared look, your sweet face.....I knew that day...without one once of doubt...that you were who we had waited for. You were "why" we went through this journey.
I walked to school up hills both ways to get to you in China! But nothing could stop me.
December 15th 2008 is a day I will remember for all of time. It was the day you were born to our family! The day I first held you. You cried and you shook and your little heart was broken to leave the only home that you ever knew. But I had so much confidence when I looked into those big brown eyes of yours, that your new life was the place you were destined to be! With us! A Mongold boy! With the love of a mother and a father and three wonderful brothers! You were sad that day, but I knew FOR you...that you were truly coming home!
2.5 months you have been in our lives and it feels like you have been here forever! I can't wait to see your face every morning. I can't wait to see what you will do next, what new word you will learn! I love your Chinese dances and your passion for any kind of music. I love that you are smart and silly. And yeah...i may get mad when you play in the toilet or smack your brothers on the head...but that is just me being a mom! Your mom!! :) Forever!! :)
We love you Joshee Song and I thank you with all of my heart for finding us and for allowing us to be your family! Our journey brought us to you and most people who know me understand that I don't have the most "romantic' view on life. Not sure that things happen for a reason, not sure that things are meant to be. Rather I feel that good things are worked for and I believe that we create our own happiness. God has given me the tools to make the right decisions and to be the best person that I can be...and I feel it is my job to use these tools to create a wonderful family and life for us.
But...the big BUT.....for the first time in my life...when I look at Josh...and how he fits like a glove into our world....I wonder? Is he meant to be with us? Maybe he is? Has he always been ours...and I was tested by the hurdles of this process to be sure that "I" was worthy of having him? Maybe! Truly - Maybe it is this way. After all that we have been through this last three years...I'll say this one thing..."I'll never discount it...I'll never say never again!"
We don't know too much about Josh's life before us. Where did you come from? I'll never really know! I found this comment recently on a post by a woman that visited Josh's first home when she traveled to get her daughter. Her little girl was older and wanted to go back to the SWI to say goodbye to her life there......Vicki wrote, "I can only say being here and seeing first hand, the children really are loved and well cared for. I can only describe the orphanage as a star among dark, the city is soooo incredibly poor, you can see rubble, the street is all broken, the creek water trashed lined, amazing difference from the bigger cities, but the orphanage is bright, clean, nannies attentive, loving.My guess is they give them what they have. And a ton of love, as much as aunties can give, they NEED parents, but second best is the love of many nannies and they do NOT lack that." (Vicki 09)
I have such gratitude for the people that took care of Josh while we worked to get to him. This little man knows how to love. He wills say "I lush you" and kiss and hug me with such emotion and such real feelings! Someone taught him this. He felt love before us...and for that...there is no word that could give the proper praises!
It's going to be a crazy life with this family Josh...but we love you and you are ours! Lucky does not begin to describe it! My heart it so full.....I feel complete....my family is finally together! May I never lose sight of how blessed I am! Happy Birthday little man! WE love you!
And I want to add something here...my dear friend Midge made such a wonderful comment on my post and it made me realize that I forgot one very important thing in this blog! It is because of a special mother - who cared so much for her son...that she gave him up to find a better life! How hard that must have been - unimaginable in my mind! What sacrifice she was capable of because of her love for her little boy! We think of you on this day and we thank you. I wish so much - and I have wished it most every day since we first received Josh.....that we could let his biological mother know that he is loved, cared for, provided for......I wish so much that she could know that he has a wonderful life and parents that will give him the moon! I hope that she feels a bit of peace today - a sense of rest in her heart! Josh has been found....and it is because of this wonderful person.... that we have him to love!