Thursday, October 29, 2009

10 months home....and a year since we started our travel planning!!

One year ago....the day before Halloween....believe it or a dark time in my life? When I think back, I can remember the feelings as if it were yesterday. It was the day before we said Goodbye to Daddy for 3 months, and it was the day that the Agency called to say that we would most certainly be traveling in November or December to bring JOsh home. And no matter when we traveled....both options...would be without my other half?!

I remember looking at the referral pictures and being filled with so much joy! Our baby was almost home! But the other side was, "How the heck was I going to get him here???". How was I to manage 3 little boys, a trip to China, Thanksgiving and Christmas....all in a town/state that we had lived only a few months and truly knew almost NO ONE!?

I doubted myself a bit more during these months than I ever have before In my life. My emotions were on high and EVERYTHING made me feel like crying! But as life requires....I pressed on. Never giving up because my boys needed a Christmas that was fabulous and my newest baby boy needed to come home.

I could not act on my fears...I just needed to find my time to cry and then get back to the paperwork and planning! NO ROOM FOR ERROR....AND NO POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE! It was a long two months.

Now fast forward to 10 months later......

Miracles do happen!
I know I am tough and all and a military wife...etc.etc....but one year ago, even my dear friends knew that I doubted myself. And truly...I think EVERYONE was a bit scared for me, but putting on a strong face because that is EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED!
And now...I have my baby boy....and I almost can't remember a time without him!
He is healthy, physically in tact, funny, silly, smart, cute, energetic, and an all around joy to be with!
I have adoption friends that I know in my heart will be a part of the rest of our lives!
Ben, Kyle and Will have a brother that they adore! (Well...Will adores him 50% of the time anyway).
I wish so much that I could have known how it all would turn out....I wish I had had more faith in my calling to find Josh and bring him home. But I am human and that is that! But the most important lesson in the last 10 months - to me .....
When I am called to do something, something that is present in every part of my being....the path may not be easy...but the end will bring hope and joy! I will forever take this with me in life! ...And I can thank Josh for so much - he is everything to us....for he will always be my reminder that anything is possible, and that following your heart......will have hurdles and back slides...but it will get you where you were meant to be! You just can't quit! :)


Bill and Midge said...

I was just thinking earlier this week how different things are this year, preparing for the holidays. Last year I was on auto-pilot, doing all the usual things, trying to decide what I could let go of but still have Thanksgiving and Christmas for my family. Dealing with all the uncertainty, but knowing it was coming soon. Getting shots, making travel arrangements, and buying Christmas gifts all in the same day. It's a wonder any of us had a drop of sanity left by the time we boarded those planes.

And you did it alone... you should be so proud of yourself. You are AMAZING!!!! And Josh and all your boys and your hubby receive the blessing of you being you!

Karen said...

What an amazing look back! Thank you for sharing..such a testimony to the Lord.

Mandie said...

You will always be Wonder Mom in my book! You inspired me that if necessary I could do it alone, or at least give it my best shot if necessary. This year will be so different and wonderful with all four boys around you.

shunter1019 said...

I love that Josh is here and that you will be able to have him here, at home, for the entire holiday season. It's so magical anyhow, that his being here just makes it that much more amazing. I imagine his face on Christmas morning when he gets to wake up in a house full of love, parents, siblings and yes, TOYS :) He is a little miracle! We love you all!!!