Monday, November 16, 2009

Amazing grace...

The day that I got Josh was a crazy day. It was not what I expected. There I was...standing in a stinky hallway....thinking i was kind of waiting in line for "my turn". I was sitting with some friends - the McClintock, when I lady came down the hall.

She looked at me...knew I was the lady in the photo albums, and handed me Josh. I was taken off guard...he was WAILING....And for a second I was not sure what to do next. My dear friend Sara said, "just hold him tight Renee," And I felt a calm come over me...and that is just what I did. I held on tight as he cried. I just held him. And while I was standing there holding my dear little man, I could hear Sara singing quietly beside me. She was singing Amazing Grace. In a beautiful voice I might add.

I have never told her that I remember this so vividly. Her voice added to the calm that was coming over me. And the calm that was coming over Josh. As the hallway began to get crowded, I walked away from all the people with Josh in my arms and continued to sing this song to him.

Throughout our time in China, when josh would cry or look scared, and even into out time here at home...I would hum or sing this to him when he needed to find his calm place. A mix of the beauty of the the words, and the sound of his new mommy's voice...would relax a bit more each time.

Fast forward almost one whole year....and I'll be honest...Josh isn't as scared, and I don't need to console in the same ways any anymore. Yet eveyr now and again, something will come over him that I can tell brings him back to that scared place in his head.

A side note: And add to this, that Josh is becoming quite the singer. He can sing songs like the ABC's, twinkle little start, Barny song...and you truly can tell by his tune what song he is singing. The words are not clear, but the tune is very recognizable.

So today I am dropping him off at school and he started to cry. So I picked him up one last time and he clung to my neck...and I swear...I know this sounds hokey...but I swear as I sit here...he started humming Amazing grace. Just the first part, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound." That was his tune! I know it was. I listened to him do it over at least three or four times. And so I looked at him and started humming the song TO him. And he smiled, as if to say, "yeah...that's the one" And got down and went on with school with out a single tear! :)


Bill and Midge said...

O.K. - really Renee! You should put warnings at the beginnings of your blogs like this. I'm supposed to start teaching music in a few minutes, just checking in quickly on the computer, and now I'm sitting here in a puddle of tears!

God's grace is nothing short of amazing, and that He would grace us with these precious children still takes my breath away.

Erica said...

I have chills, Renee. Maybe because the story is so sweet and dear, but maybe because how far you and that little guy have come in a year. I swear...a year!! That is incredible. And, truly, what a perfect song to be "Josh's song" Being given the gift of grace is the story of Josh's life! Love you so much!!!

Mandie said...

You have come so far over the last year. You and Josh will always have your song and a beautiful song at that. God Bless you!

Football & Fried Rice said...

ok, seriously - I am with Midge - WARNING, please. Not that I have mascara on this time of morning..

I remember how freaked out I, myself, was that day. I barely remember anything..I am not sure I remember even talking to you before that morning! Keep in mind I had met Mya already and was a little intimidated and SCARED for that Monday, the 15th of December.

I do remember how scared josh was and how odd it was they handed him to you like that. But, in the end, so thankful that you just got your son..All the 'planning' up to that moment didn't matter - went out that door. You got your baby...

And what sweet, Amazing Grace that really us.