So I get up this morning at 5:45....get everyone dressed, lunches made, breakfast had....shoes on....and we are in the car at 7:20am. A bit early, but with the construction at the school, the drop off line is slow moving - down to one short lane....and so we need that extra time to brave the long line! And what's more...Ben and our neighbor Emily have an irrational fear of getting a tardy slip and I can't stand to listen to them give me all kinds of reasons why I should rush passed all the cars in front or me and skip line just so they can be early to school?
Anyway - I am early...that's the point!
I get everyone buckled in...kids fight over who will sit up front, solve the problems...yell a bit...threaten them within an inch of their life that if they don't buckel up I am going to involuntarily erupt like a huge volcano - and then he says it, "Mommy...I have to pee...bad!!!"
And with that - he starts to cry. He knows that I am in a hurry - Josh that is - but he has to go potty and that is that. If I don't let him go...he will cry the entire time we are in the car line. So against my better judgment - I pull him out of his seat and let him pee right there in the front yard? Yeah...explaining the whole time how this can NEVER happen again and that peeing in the yard is bad!! ha ha ha...what a good mommy I am!?
So I get Josh back in his seat...we are ready to go! Wait...my coffee cup is still on top of the car? I get out...grab my cup...and yes...I spill it ALL OVER ME? I mean...ALL OVER ME. Just slipped out of my hand...fell to the ground....and I am soaked? Ok...well...no time for this - need to get moving.
I take the keys out of my purse...start the car....and I hear....CLICK CLICK CLICK....not VROOOM>>>VROOM>>> but CLICK CLICK CLICK? Yep...I can feel the tears? But no time to cry...I need to jump the car! Long car line...clock is ticking.....
I get out the cables...and Steve's car is too far away...so I go inside...find the keys to Steve's car and pull it closer. But now I am realizing that we are certainly going to be tardy. So I call Our neighbor who I carpool with and tell her my battery woes...and she offers to come grab the big kids and get them to school on time! Yeah Sarah - THANK YOU!!
I get the cables hooked up, and it works (surprised the heck out of me....I have truly never done this myself before - very easy! Sad that I avoided learning it in days passed!).
Now I am off to get the little kids to school, and I realize that I am on E - EMPTY. I check the gauge and it reads, "2 miles to empty". 3 miles to school? Hmmm...ok...to the gas station. I try my credit card in the slot...all the while breaking the law and NOT turning my car off for fear the battery is not fully charged and I hear a lady in the speaker say - "The pump card readers are broken ma'am...you have to come inside to pay?"
Well..I explain to Josh and Will that i have to go in real quick and pay for the gas... and they are screaming...I want a bug juice...I want donuts....blah blah blah...and I say, "OK" Because I have no fight left in me at this point!
I pay for the gas, grab two bug juices and one sleeve of little chocolate donuts and back i come to pump my gas and hope like heck the engine does not spark and kill us all.
And here is the reason for the title:
The sleeve of donuts has 6 in it. In a normal family we would divide it up 3 and 3 - but Josh can't eat three donuts - first of all - and second of all - if he could eat three donuts, it would take till sundown and the school is just a few miles away. So I hand four little donuts to Will and two to Josh. 4 and 2. That seemed fair given the size difference and eating skills of the kids.
There is silence - Will is shoving donuts in his face like cookie monster and I look back at josh and he is just sitting there? Not eating? I say, "Buddy...don't you like your donuts?" And he says, (plain as day)
"Will have four no-nuts and I have two? (Frown....raised eyebrows) That not fee-are. Will have more! Dis NOT Fee-are DAY mom!"
translation (Will has four donuts....that's not fair. Will has more...this is a no fair day mom!! And you suck for giving him more than me and I wish I were in another family who treated all of their kids as equals!"
Oh my....no more pulling anything over on that Josh...he is three...large and charge...and getting the world in way that I only thought possible one year ago! Sorry man - I'll be even next time...FAIR - I promise!! You WILL HAVE A fee-are LIFE!!!"